Suggestions to save the Republic

Without kicking back at the nay-sayers, begrudgers, or occupiers, there has been an awful lot of giving out lately. Like most of you, I enjoy a good shout from time to time (ahem). Rather than bitch though, for once I’m going to make a short list of ideas that may actually improve our lot. The common threads are self-sufficiency, socialism, mass slaughter of sacred cows, and no idea how to fund most of them. The list below is not in my usual style, it’s more of a loose collection of thoughts. This piece is intended to provoke discussion, debate, disagreement and maybe even some creativity. Please, comment below or on the FB page. No further ado.

1. GOVERNMENTAL REFORM

  • No TD to simultaneously act as a minister. A separate cabinet whose actions must be approved by an independent Dail
  • Abolish the Seanad, there are enough retirement homes
  • Mandatory attendance in the Dail chambers for 80% of sitting days
  • More sitting days and less 10-week recesses
  • No more “fact finding missions” to NY on paddy’s day on taxpayer’s budget
  • Limited terms (2 terms as a TD, two as a minister, two as Taoiseach, two as president. That’s all. No more cobweb-covered grandsons and daughters of 1916, slowly necrotising along party lines
  • Fuck it, let’s really consider a new constitution. The only thing as bad as shouting “change for the sake of it” is muttering “not change, that’s upsetting”
2. TAXATION CHANGES
  • Increase income tax. Seriously, the last budget left me completely untouched and i’m one of the very fortunate few with a well-paying job and no dependents. It shouldn’t be that way, ever.
  • For the wealthy elite that claim residence but pay no tax into the kitty – NO TAX, NO PASSPORT. If you really don’t want to pay the rent, Sir Anthony / Bono / Denis O Brien, then fuck off and be from somewhere else.
  • Legalise and tax marijuana. Heavily. Make it so expensive that it’s a conscious choice by connoisseurs. Make it so pricey that the kids in hoodies that were “totally eyeballing your handbag” can’t afford it. And make it legal, because for those of us that can afford it, it’s a conscious choice, taken by adults. Leave us alone, I promise you we won’t cause you any trouble.
3. MAKE EDUCATION CHEAPER
  • No charge for anyone under 16 on any state buses. (incidentally, for the law and order crew, this would mean they’d have to carry ID. Bonus orwellian points for the right wingers!)
  • Nationalise the publication of schoolbooks. Too business unfriendly? Let the publishers distribute and the retailers charge what they want. They won’t mark up the price because demand is constant. And to all the ex-teachers out there planning the 2012 revised edition of pythagoras’ theorem, fuck you. Just because the Taoiseach is a teacher, doesn’t mean it’s not a complete racket at the expense of parents.
  • College fees? Maybe, but for now i’m more concerned about the primary and secondary kids being able to actually read and write and eat in the same month.
4. ENERGY FARMING
No bullet points here. When I was flying into Amsterdam I noticed wind farms a few miles offshore. Of course, we’ve got something that Amsterdam doesn’t. The Atlantic wall. We could plant a few hundred of these from Malin to Mizen and never pay for electricity again. Hell, in a few years when Angie and co develop a continental grid we could sell the power back to Europe (ever heard of Saudi Arabia?). The wind farms just work. They generate massive amounts of limitless energy, enough to end the hegemony of the ESB a thousand times over. They’re an eyesore? They spoil the countryside view? OFFSHORE YOU FUCKING IDIOTS. Put them IN the sea. Yes, it’s expensive, but so is everything else on this list. Like I said, i don’t know how to pay for it. Maybe China can end us a tenner. China’s still cool.

5. END THE OCCUPATION

No, not the English. They’re grand. I’m talking about a different group of people. The people that pay for the schools we should be paying for ourselves. The people that tell us who to fuck, how to live, what to think and what happens if we don’t. The people that systematically raped our children for 100 years and – when confronted – defended themselves by covering it up. The people who in collusion with multiple former governments have interfered with our national judicial process over and over and over again. The people who have probably contributed more to the spread of  AIDS in Africa than human nature and Saturday nights combined. They’ve denied the holocaust. They think that the best people to train for marriage are virgins. They brought you the crusades. They hate the intelligent. They hate the liberal. They hate women. They hate gays. They hate logic. They hate reason. They absolutely hate and fear science.  In the white corner, weighing in at 64 years of destructive meddling in our affairs, it’s THE CATHOLIC CHURCH!

Send them home so we can get this fucking show on the road.

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Suggestions to save the Republic

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